Elera Remebers the Sea
Ocean and Sunshine
Little Dolphin tipped her nose to the sun. As she danced on the waves, leaping, leaping, her nose rose to greet the warmth just for a second, maybe two, but she loved it as the sun kissed her cute nose and warmed her blue-grey back. The feeling was… simply magical. It lasted no more than two seconds, but it spread through her just as she imagined the glowing embers on the beach at night.
She imagined the feel of fire. Was it like the sun? Was she wrong? Oh, how lovely life was!
Just as enchanting were the bubbles that shimmied around her body as she moved through the water, always moving, grooving, tickling her sleek body.
She loved the water, she loved the sun, she loved the bubbles.
She had been born for this. She, the ocean and the sun were one.
The School
She often saw fish that swam deeper in darker waters. She never gave it a second thought.
Until one day she did.
She watched a school of fish and thought to herself that they all looked so… happy. They looked alike, they swam alike, they moved as one! Oh, how much she would love this! To be surrounded by others that felt her, that she was part of, that understood her…
Oh, she just had to see…
She dove down deeper than normal. It was darker as she went deeper. It was colder.
But there before her were hundreds, maybe thousands of fish! All moving together as if they had the same heartbeat!
She wanted that heartbeat too!
Forgetting the sun, the bubbles, the waves, and the wind, she dove further down into the midst of them.
She was so excited! “Why hello, little fish! My name is Elera. I am so happy to be here!”
No response.
At all.
They did not even look at her. They looked at each other instead. How strange!
How rude!
She swam with them for what seemed weeks. Not a single scaly soul spoke to her. Not a single glance.
One day, feeling the current working against her, tired and exasperated by how negative her time in this school of fish had become, she was surprised more than her thoughts could process all at once.
One minute she was swimming with the school and the next minute, they scattered in a thousand directions.
What? How did that happen? Why didn’t she know this would happen? What was she supposed to do? How could they… abandon her?
A storm started inside her.
Her salty tears drowned in the cool, deeper waters.
She was too different.
She was not wanted.
She was not good enough.
Why couldn’t she be normal?
She aimlessly swam away feeling like a failure.
She ceased swimming and just floated. Thinking. Trying to figure out what in the blue moon had happened.
Well, maybe I am not their type…
But… maybe they are not my type either. Who wants to feel like a soldier in the middle of a sea of soldiers that won’t even greet a new recruit?
Not me, she decided.
I just found the wrong fish. There has to be somewhere I can make friends, hang with, and belong.
With that she flipped her tail, twirled her body, and started to swim again.
I will find somewhere else!
She was aching to belong. To become whatever she was supposed to become.
She knew that she was supposed to be or become… something. Something important, something good.
She would… if only she could find the right fish to swim with.
The days became uncountable as Elera swam and swam. She did not feel her most joyful self, but she tried.
She focused on the bubbles, but they did not tickle the way they used to.
She tipped her nose to the sun, but it seemed that most of the time there was a cloud in the way.
The sting of the floating army of schoolfish had dulled, but she just did not feel herself at all. She had to look for where she belonged.
She decided, on a stormy day, where no sun could warm her anyhow, to do a deep dive again to see who she might come upon.
The water was darker. She could still see, but without the sun poking its rays through the water, it felt darker.
She had a quick thought that shocked her. She… she didn’t like the dark.
The Arena
She heard noise, like fighting. Strong voices and turbulent water.
She turned and headed for it. What could it be?
She soon found herself among a group of swordfish.
They were still much smaller than her but not ridiculously so as the school fish had been.
She found hope stirring in her belly.
Hope!
She approached carefully. Two were surrounded by a group. They were fighting as if in an aqua arena!
Oh! They were pretty fierce. Their long sword snouts raked against each other, trying to get to the other’s body.
Oh… hmmm… they were really quite violent with each other. But the others that surrounded them laughed, cheered, and raised their razor snouts towards the top of the ocean to salute their favourite scaled-warrior.
Well… okay… I will introduce myself and then we shall see, she thought.
After the fight.
“Ahem… um… hello…”
Twenty sets of eyes stared upon her body all at once.
She was mortified. What had she done? Were they going to attack her?
Oh no! She had not thought of that yet.
“Umm… hello,” she said again with a cheerful, but really terrified, voice.
“May I introduce myself, please? My name is Elera, and I am a friend. I was hoping… hoping that… that maybe I could… could maybe hang with you. If, I mean if, it is acceptable to you.”
They paused. Stared at her. She felt naked. Which was really strange because she was always naked. But they were measuring her. She had never been measured before.
Ugh.
“Come,” one said to her. “You may come and watch if you would like. I don’t think you can join the arena. Your nose… just won’t do. But you can spectate with us.”
She was so happy!
She could… spectate? Oh.
They all took turns fighting. By the time the third fight happened, she was bored of it already.
What was the point? They cut each other, snarled, and spit. Just why?
But maybe she was being too judgemental. They had welcomed her after all… maybe this was where she belonged. Even if she could only be a cheerful… no, if she could be a thankful spectator.
The weeks dragged on, and they were so disappointingly not at all what she had hoped for.
And worse… they were always bumping against her with their long, stupid sword-noses and cutting her. She had little cuts everywhere and a couple of big ones too. They hurt.
She was at a loss, but she felt like they were at least tolerating her.
But were they? They were always bumping into her, scraping and scratching her skin. They never bumped into each other. Yes, she was bigger.
Maybe she was clumsy.
But really she felt alone, and that was what hurt.
They were so chummy with each other, complimenting one another’s bravery, courage, and skill. No one complimented her. What was there for them to compliment?
She wanted to go home.
She felt the same unbelonging hurt rise up in her again.
Why could she just never be a part of what was normal to everyone else?
One especially dreary afternoon, she swam away without a goodbye.
They wouldn’t notice anyhow.
The Silent Beauties
Time had slowed down. She floated aimlessly near the surface, hoping the sun would warm her.
If it did, she didn’t notice…
Days, weeks, and more weeks passed.
One day she saw the ocean surface glimmering, no, shimmering with little bubbles of pink, white, and silver. Beautiful, puffy, pillow-like bubbles in an endless group.
They are so exquisite! she thought. Maybe, just maybe, I could go visit them. Maybe they will welcome me despite how different we are.
Such a gorgeous type of creation could only be kind and good and lovely inside and out.
She was so excited that she popped her tail into the water and like a speedboat sprang to the ocean-field of jellyfish.
She was stunned. Their beauty was not only on the surface! It was deeper. Their lovely trailing arms were shimmering, lacy, and frilly. She had never seen anything so captivating.
They did not seem to notice or not notice her, so she swam freely amongst them.
The sun seemed warmer and her heart was full of the feeling that maybe she had found a perfect place to make a home. They could not shun her nor cut her. Perfect.
The next day Elera woke up and for some reason did not quite feel herself. The sun was glimmering on the water in little sparkles that were, for some reason, unusually bright.
Actually, the entire surface of the sea seemed… a little… tilted.
And why was her body so sore? She looked at her body, and it was lined with little raised, irritated bumps.
What the heck? Where did these come from? She felt a little off-centre. The world was off centre.
She floated half-asleep. She fully woke up hours later and was no longer in the middle of the jellyfish pool. There were only a few between her and the rest of the ocean.
Her head was clearer, and her body was still so sore. She looked at the jellyfish. As she did, a few long strands of… what was that? Something came close to her. What were they?
Ouch! They hit her, bing, bing, bing. She felt sting, sting, sting. Ouch!
Oooooh, nooooooo… her head was feeling that lolly-lilty feeling again.
Oh. Those. Are from… the jellyfish.
She was wise enough to look where they had stung her, and her skin had swelled immediately. It was so sore.
She was so dizzy but instinctively swam away. She closed her eyes again. When she woke, it was dark. The moonlight bounced on the ripples of the sea. Her head was clear and her heart was broken.
How could they do that to her? She had been dazzled by their beauty. She had thought them the most exquisite creation of the sea. She had thought that their peaceful quiet would be a perfect home for her.
But the peaceful pool of beauty stung her, hurt her, disoriented her. Why?
Her spirit felt so broken. Her hope was gone. Her feeling of wanting to find where she belonged, which had started with such happiness and excitement, had turned toxically shattering.
She had survived a hurricane or two and this, this felt just like the same thing, but on the inside. Her thoughts cycloned and her emotions churned inside her mind in a way that she had never experienced before.
She only wanted to find her place.
She wanted to find peace. But all she had found was hurt.
Maybe she did not belong anywhere but alone. Alone on the surface of the sea. Alone with the sun and the clouds and the waves. Alone, alone, all alone.
She was bereft.
The Smiling Eels
Days, weeks, and maybe more weeks passed. She did not look for a new home. She had accepted that this was her fate.
One day as she floated on without direction, three eels were suddenly floating before her.
Oh. They are ugly little snaky things, she thought.
They smiled at her. Their smiles were… wrong. Like giant open mouths that were meant to consume trying to smile at their prey.
She felt guarded.
“Ooohhhh, pretty one,” one of them said. “Why are your fins so low?”
She said hello and told them she was fine.
“Ooooh, sweet one,” another smiled at her. “Tell us what is wrong. We are your friends. We are here to listen. Maybe we can help you if it is possible.”
Suddenly she found herself sobbing and pouring her heart out to these nasty… well, maybe she was getting used to them. They did not seem so nasty anymore. She told them everything.
“Oooh, dear one,” the third said, slithering against her. “Why don’t you come with us? We can be your friends.”
“Yes,” another said. “We are your friends. You can trust us. We are shockingly reliable, true, and caring. Come, little one.”
“Come, little one,” the other two chimed in.
She was being welcomed! Invited! Cared for.
Oh, maybe, despite their creepy smiles and sharp teeth, their long, ugly bodies that just looked wrong, maybe they were her home. Maybe her home had found her. Oh, if only this could be true, she thought.
Then she nodded her head, and they swam away together.
The first day was lovely. They swam all day. They showed her little cut-outs by the seashore she had not known, warm bubbling pools that seemed like a home calling her. And her new friends had shown her so much that she was convinced these were the friends she was supposed to find.
She swam with them as the sun was ready to set. They said it was time to go to their home. Home? Fish did not have homes?
They kept to the banks and then turned into a… river? Elera had never seen a river before. They swam for about a half hour then dove under.
The water was so unclear. So murky and dark. She felt like she was in a mud bath. And the water was shallow and felt different than the sea. She did not feel quite right about it.
She had noticed that there were sounds that came from them as they swam. It was so odd. Like her heartbeat, the sounds pulsed. The water around them felt so wrong, maybe not dangerous, but charged as if the sea was humming for them.
She did not like it here. She felt dirty, cluttered, shadowed. It was not nice.
She looked at them sincerely and said, “I am so sorry. You are so kind, but this is not a good home for me. I need to be in the sea. I need clear water. I can’t see, and I feel claustrophobic. Please excuse me, but I must leave. I hope we can visit and stay friends?”
The three eels lined up one to the other, forming a half-circle across the way out of the river.
She looked at them curiously. A hug goodbye?
“You will not leave us. You are now ours. Stay where you are, and don’t even think of moving.”
She shook her pretty head, baffled. It was now dusk, and she could barely make them out in the muddy water. She felt threatened. Had they said she was theirs? She shook her head again.
Something was wrong.
She started to swim, terror slowly slipping its way into her spirit.
One of them popped forward and slammed against her. She was thrown three metres backwards.
Pain like she had never before felt screamed through her body. She could barely think. She could barely move. She shook her head again.
This was not good.
“I will stay,” she whispered to herself.
“And wait for my time to leave.”
When they saw that she had decided to stay, they smiled again. They gave her that gaping, too-many-sharp-teeth smile and nodded in approval.
She was miserable. She wanted to go… where?
She had no home.
She wanted to just go.
For three days they stayed in the river. She could not swim properly and felt like the shallowness was drowning her.
She was still aching from whatever they had done to her that night, but she was extra nice, polite, and sweet.
She felt so wrong. She had never had to “put a happy face on” for anyone before. She felt that she was compromising her soul. But she had to be patient. She had to wait until opportunity presented itself for escape. It was the only way to survive.
The third morning they told her to come for a swim with them. As they neared the ocean, she felt the salty air fill her lungs and she felt clear-headed. The cool, clear water overpowered the muddy river water and soon they were again in the ocean.
Ooooh, today is the day, she thought, while chattering away to them so she would not raise their suspicions. She would wait. She silently prayed that there would be a diversion of some type.
Soon enough they were in the deep ocean. She wanted to bounce and play freely on the waves, but she could not with them keeping such close watch.
She laboured to smile and be perky, while every second her insides coiled and her eyes strained, scanning for an opportunity.
She didn’t get it.
They had invited her, welcomed her warmly, cared for her, then turned to cruel masters of sea-chains.
Her quest to find her place of belonging again had failed. Why?
Finally they all took a deep dive. She swirled her tail and flapped her fins into turbo motion. She was so fast that before the thought here is my chance could fully form, she was forty metres away.
She knew that they would try to do that horrible thing to her again, so she kept swimming, swimming, swimming, tearing through the water as if she was weightlessly gliding over it.
She was away. Finally.
She was free! She was free!
The sun was shining, and she was so excited to feel the joy of it warming her nose and kissing her skin. And oh, the bubbles! They would soon swim around her, tickling her, delighting her, and reminding her that she was free!
After a few minutes of elation, she calmed and tried to play in the water.
But nothing.
None of it made her spirit sing.
She was back to her beloved sea but she was no longer happy, now that the elation was gone.
She felt listless for a day or two, but then something shifted… bitterness like jagged shards of glass rose up in her and instead of playing on the water, she was slamming into it. Angry. So. Very. Angry.
How many times had she tried and this was what she ended up with? Loneliness, solitude, ostracized and used. She felt used. Her spirit felt bruised beyond repair.
Each happy “home” had ended up leaving deep scars.
The worst of them was that maybe she did not belong anywhere.
Bloodied Water
Ugh. A shark.
She hated sharks. Why were sharks even allowed in the ocean’s ecosystem?
Usually they distanced themselves, and she distanced herself.
But this one… was curious.
She looked at his face. He was looking directly at her.
She shuddered.
She did not want to appear cowardly, so she swam almost parallel while angling away from him.
He swam closer.
He caught up.
She was weary. Why was he so close? What did he want? He did not seem to be attacking her.
She thought of the eels. Shuddered again.
Now he was… swimming with her. Silently.
She used her side vision to try to gauge him.
What… just what… did he want?
They swam on for hours.
And then he swam away.
The next day went the same way that most other days before it had gone. Nothing but anger at how she had failed one group then another. Anger that she could not be normal like other fish.
She flipped over and faced her belly to the sun. No joy. No warmth. The sun had changed on her and she had no idea why.
She let her thoughts drift and ripple like the endless sea.
She opened her eyes and beside her… was that damn shark again.
She blinked.
What the heck?
He did not look at her. Just swam beside her.
And did it again the next day.
By the end of the third day, she decided to ask him some questions.
He met her questions with more silence. How rude.
Who cares?
When he swam away as the sun set that day, she followed him.
That night she found herself in a little underwater cove with four other sharks. She was terrified of them.
What was she doing?
She was so angry with herself that she bellowed into the ocean void.
The sharks all shrank back. Her anger had scared them.
Scared THEM?
Two of them were covered in blood. Fresh kill.
One of them looked like he was drooling as he looked at her.
The fourth, her swimming companion, just stared at her.
Ugh. What was she doing there?
The first day she stayed silent. They spoke among themselves but not to her. She did not find it rude, but she felt displaced. She did not understand them. Only the angry tone that spewed out of them.
The second day, two of them returned blood-stained again. This did not feel right. But maybe she was judging them too soon. After all, even the whales ate hundreds of thousands of plankton at once. Maybe this was the same… but different.
The next day, the one that seemed to be in charge took off. She wondered where he always went. Why he was in charge.
She jumped into place behind him to follow him.
She saw a stingray in the distance as she looked up through the sunlight that pierced the depths. How beautiful. She had not thought to join them… maybe they could have been a possible “right” place for her.
She sighed.
Her shark “buddy” had sunk lower. He was circling, his eyes pointing upwards.
She watched in wonder, almost hypnotized by his cyclone-swim.
But the truth suddenly hit and unnerved her.
She wanted to throw up. She realized he was going after the stingray.
She wanted to intervene, but how?
She tried to get his attention, but his eyes were locked on his target.
With utter horror, she watched as the angered shark pounced at a speed she did not know was possible.
She was even more nauseated when he returned with blood lining his jaw and his endless teeth.
She heaved. She had not helped.
How did the sea allow this? Beauty starkly snatched and obliterated with nothing but bloodstains left to prove that the gracious creature had ever lived.
He snarled, then kept swimming.
No, this… this was not who she wanted to make a home with.
Ever.
She swam in the other direction.
The Remembered Return
Her anger was gone. Her everything was gone.
She felt empty, but not in a bad way.
She felt… almost peaceful.
She woke early with the rising sun and tipped her nose. The warmth was back!
She leapt up, and the warmth of the sun caressed her. Her smile fell back into place the way it used to.
Oh! The bubbles, as she danced in the waves, they shimmered and tickled and wrapped around her like joy returning.
She laughed and sang and played all day.
She was at peace.
She was joyfully, blissfully, and finally home.
Exactly where home had always been.
In her sea, with her joy, her peace, and the wisdom to appreciate what she had always had but had not recognized.
She had found her place.
Or rather, she had remembered it.
And this time, she wasn’t leaving.
Her smile still echoes over the ocean, where the waves call out to Elera, the wind whispers in agreement, and the sun beckons all who have forgotten their way home.
Ocean and Sunshine
Little Dolphin tipped her nose to the sun. As she danced on the waves, leaping, leaping, her nose rose to greet the warmth just for a second, maybe two, but she loved it as the sun kissed her cute nose and warmed her blue-grey back. The feeling was… simply magical. It lasted no more than two seconds, but it spread through her just as she imagined the glowing embers on the beach at night.
She imagined the feel of fire. Was it like the sun? Was she wrong? Oh, how lovely life was!
Just as enchanting were the bubbles that shimmied around her body as she moved through the water, always moving, grooving, tickling her sleek body.
She loved the water, she loved the sun, she loved the bubbles.
She had been born for this. She, the ocean and the sun were one.
The School
She often saw fish that swam deeper in darker waters. She never gave it a second thought.
Until one day she did.
She watched a school of fish and thought to herself that they all looked so… happy. They looked alike, they swam alike, they moved as one! Oh, how much she would love this! To be surrounded by others that felt her, that she was part of, that understood her…
Oh, she just had to see…
She dove down deeper than normal. It was darker as she went deeper. It was colder.
But there before her were hundreds, maybe thousands of fish! All moving together as if they had the same heartbeat!
She wanted that heartbeat too!
Forgetting the sun, the bubbles, the waves, and the wind, she dove further down into the midst of them.
She was so excited! “Why hello, little fish! My name is Elera. I am so happy to be here!”
No response.
At all.
They did not even look at her. They looked at each other instead. How strange!
How rude!
She swam with them for what seemed weeks. Not a single scaly soul spoke to her. Not a single glance.
One day, feeling the current working against her, tired and exasperated by how negative her time in this school of fish had become, she was surprised more than her thoughts could process all at once.
One minute she was swimming with the school and the next minute, they scattered in a thousand directions.
What? How did that happen? Why didn’t she know this would happen? What was she supposed to do? How could they… abandon her?
A storm started inside her.
Her salty tears drowned in the cool, deeper waters.
She was too different.
She was not wanted.
She was not good enough.
Why couldn’t she be normal?
She aimlessly swam away feeling like a failure.
She ceased swimming and just floated. Thinking. Trying to figure out what in the blue moon had happened.
Well, maybe I am not their type…
But… maybe they are not my type either. Who wants to feel like a soldier in the middle of a sea of soldiers that won’t even greet a new recruit?
Not me, she decided.
I just found the wrong fish. There has to be somewhere I can make friends, hang with, and belong.
With that she flipped her tail, twirled her body, and started to swim again.
I will find somewhere else!
She was aching to belong. To become whatever she was supposed to become.
She knew that she was supposed to be or become… something. Something important, something good.
She would… if only she could find the right fish to swim with.
The days became uncountable as Elera swam and swam. She did not feel her most joyful self, but she tried.
She focused on the bubbles, but they did not tickle the way they used to.
She tipped her nose to the sun, but it seemed that most of the time there was a cloud in the way.
The sting of the floating army of schoolfish had dulled, but she just did not feel herself at all. She had to look for where she belonged.
She decided, on a stormy day, where no sun could warm her anyhow, to do a deep dive again to see who she might come upon.
The water was darker. She could still see, but without the sun poking its rays through the water, it felt darker.
She had a quick thought that shocked her. She… she didn’t like the dark.
The Arena
She heard noise, like fighting. Strong voices and turbulent water.
She turned and headed for it. What could it be?
She soon found herself among a group of swordfish.
They were still much smaller than her but not ridiculously so as the school fish had been.
She found hope stirring in her belly.
Hope!
She approached carefully. Two were surrounded by a group. They were fighting as if in an aqua arena!
Oh! They were pretty fierce. Their long sword snouts raked against each other, trying to get to the other’s body.
Oh… hmmm… they were really quite violent with each other. But the others that surrounded them laughed, cheered, and raised their razor snouts towards the top of the ocean to salute their favourite scaled-warrior.
Well… okay… I will introduce myself and then we shall see, she thought.
After the fight.
“Ahem… um… hello…”
Twenty sets of eyes stared upon her body all at once.
She was mortified. What had she done? Were they going to attack her?
Oh no! She had not thought of that yet.
“Umm… hello,” she said again with a cheerful, but really terrified, voice.
“May I introduce myself, please? My name is Elera, and I am a friend. I was hoping… hoping that… that maybe I could… could maybe hang with you. If, I mean if, it is acceptable to you.”
They paused. Stared at her. She felt naked. Which was really strange because she was always naked. But they were measuring her. She had never been measured before.
Ugh.
“Come,” one said to her. “You may come and watch if you would like. I don’t think you can join the arena. Your nose… just won’t do. But you can spectate with us.”
She was so happy!
She could… spectate? Oh.
They all took turns fighting. By the time the third fight happened, she was bored of it already.
What was the point? They cut each other, snarled, and spit. Just why?
But maybe she was being too judgemental. They had welcomed her after all… maybe this was where she belonged. Even if she could only be a cheerful… no, if she could be a thankful spectator.
The weeks dragged on, and they were so disappointingly not at all what she had hoped for.
And worse… they were always bumping against her with their long, stupid sword-noses and cutting her. She had little cuts everywhere and a couple of big ones too. They hurt.
She was at a loss, but she felt like they were at least tolerating her.
But were they? They were always bumping into her, scraping and scratching her skin. They never bumped into each other. Yes, she was bigger.
Maybe she was clumsy.
But really she felt alone, and that was what hurt.
They were so chummy with each other, complimenting one another’s bravery, courage, and skill. No one complimented her. What was there for them to compliment?
She wanted to go home.
She felt the same unbelonging hurt rise up in her again.
Why could she just never be a part of what was normal to everyone else?
One especially dreary afternoon, she swam away without a goodbye.
They wouldn’t notice anyhow.
The Silent Beauties
Time had slowed down. She floated aimlessly near the surface, hoping the sun would warm her.
If it did, she didn’t notice…
Days, weeks, and more weeks passed.
One day she saw the ocean surface glimmering, no, shimmering with little bubbles of pink, white, and silver. Beautiful, puffy, pillow-like bubbles in an endless group.
They are so exquisite! she thought. Maybe, just maybe, I could go visit them. Maybe they will welcome me despite how different we are.
Such a gorgeous type of creation could only be kind and good and lovely inside and out.
She was so excited that she popped her tail into the water and like a speedboat sprang to the ocean-field of jellyfish.
She was stunned. Their beauty was not only on the surface! It was deeper. Their lovely trailing arms were shimmering, lacy, and frilly. She had never seen anything so captivating.
They did not seem to notice or not notice her, so she swam freely amongst them.
The sun seemed warmer and her heart was full of the feeling that maybe she had found a perfect place to make a home. They could not shun her nor cut her. Perfect.
The next day Elera woke up and for some reason did not quite feel herself. The sun was glimmering on the water in little sparkles that were, for some reason, unusually bright.
Actually, the entire surface of the sea seemed… a little… tilted.
And why was her body so sore? She looked at her body, and it was lined with little raised, irritated bumps.
What the heck? Where did these come from? She felt a little off-centre. The world was off centre.
She floated half-asleep. She fully woke up hours later and was no longer in the middle of the jellyfish pool. There were only a few between her and the rest of the ocean.
Her head was clearer, and her body was still so sore. She looked at the jellyfish. As she did, a few long strands of… what was that? Something came close to her. What were they?
Ouch! They hit her, bing, bing, bing. She felt sting, sting, sting. Ouch!
Oooooh, nooooooo… her head was feeling that lolly-lilty feeling again.
Oh. Those. Are from… the jellyfish.
She was wise enough to look where they had stung her, and her skin had swelled immediately. It was so sore.
She was so dizzy but instinctively swam away. She closed her eyes again. When she woke, it was dark. The moonlight bounced on the ripples of the sea. Her head was clear and her heart was broken.
How could they do that to her? She had been dazzled by their beauty. She had thought them the most exquisite creation of the sea. She had thought that their peaceful quiet would be a perfect home for her.
But the peaceful pool of beauty stung her, hurt her, disoriented her. Why?
Her spirit felt so broken. Her hope was gone. Her feeling of wanting to find where she belonged, which had started with such happiness and excitement, had turned toxically shattering.
She had survived a hurricane or two and this, this felt just like the same thing, but on the inside. Her thoughts cycloned and her emotions churned inside her mind in a way that she had never experienced before.
She only wanted to find her place.
She wanted to find peace. But all she had found was hurt.
Maybe she did not belong anywhere but alone. Alone on the surface of the sea. Alone with the sun and the clouds and the waves. Alone, alone, all alone.
She was bereft.
The Smiling Eels
Days, weeks, and maybe more weeks passed. She did not look for a new home. She had accepted that this was her fate.
One day as she floated on without direction, three eels were suddenly floating before her.
Oh. They are ugly little snaky things, she thought.
They smiled at her. Their smiles were… wrong. Like giant open mouths that were meant to consume trying to smile at their prey.
She felt guarded.
“Ooohhhh, pretty one,” one of them said. “Why are your fins so low?”
She said hello and told them she was fine.
“Ooooh, sweet one,” another smiled at her. “Tell us what is wrong. We are your friends. We are here to listen. Maybe we can help you if it is possible.”
Suddenly she found herself sobbing and pouring her heart out to these nasty… well, maybe she was getting used to them. They did not seem so nasty anymore. She told them everything.
“Oooh, dear one,” the third said, slithering against her. “Why don’t you come with us? We can be your friends.”
“Yes,” another said. “We are your friends. You can trust us. We are shockingly reliable, true, and caring. Come, little one.”
“Come, little one,” the other two chimed in.
She was being welcomed! Invited! Cared for.
Oh, maybe, despite their creepy smiles and sharp teeth, their long, ugly bodies that just looked wrong, maybe they were her home. Maybe her home had found her. Oh, if only this could be true, she thought.
Then she nodded her head, and they swam away together.
The first day was lovely. They swam all day. They showed her little cut-outs by the seashore she had not known, warm bubbling pools that seemed like a home calling her. And her new friends had shown her so much that she was convinced these were the friends she was supposed to find.
She swam with them as the sun was ready to set. They said it was time to go to their home. Home? Fish did not have homes?
They kept to the banks and then turned into a… river? Elera had never seen a river before. They swam for about a half hour then dove under.
The water was so unclear. So murky and dark. She felt like she was in a mud bath. And the water was shallow and felt different than the sea. She did not feel quite right about it.
She had noticed that there were sounds that came from them as they swam. It was so odd. Like her heartbeat, the sounds pulsed. The water around them felt so wrong, maybe not dangerous, but charged as if the sea was humming for them.
She did not like it here. She felt dirty, cluttered, shadowed. It was not nice.
She looked at them sincerely and said, “I am so sorry. You are so kind, but this is not a good home for me. I need to be in the sea. I need clear water. I can’t see, and I feel claustrophobic. Please excuse me, but I must leave. I hope we can visit and stay friends?”
The three eels lined up one to the other, forming a half-circle across the way out of the river.
She looked at them curiously. A hug goodbye?
“You will not leave us. You are now ours. Stay where you are, and don’t even think of moving.”
She shook her pretty head, baffled. It was now dusk, and she could barely make them out in the muddy water. She felt threatened. Had they said she was theirs? She shook her head again.
Something was wrong.
She started to swim, terror slowly slipping its way into her spirit.
One of them popped forward and slammed against her. She was thrown three metres backwards.
Pain like she had never before felt screamed through her body. She could barely think. She could barely move. She shook her head again.
This was not good.
“I will stay,” she whispered to herself.
“And wait for my time to leave.”
When they saw that she had decided to stay, they smiled again. They gave her that gaping, too-many-sharp-teeth smile and nodded in approval.
She was miserable. She wanted to go… where?
She had no home.
She wanted to just go.
For three days they stayed in the river. She could not swim properly and felt like the shallowness was drowning her.
She was still aching from whatever they had done to her that night, but she was extra nice, polite, and sweet.
She felt so wrong. She had never had to “put a happy face on” for anyone before. She felt that she was compromising her soul. But she had to be patient. She had to wait until opportunity presented itself for escape. It was the only way to survive.
The third morning they told her to come for a swim with them. As they neared the ocean, she felt the salty air fill her lungs and she felt clear-headed. The cool, clear water overpowered the muddy river water and soon they were again in the ocean.
Ooooh, today is the day, she thought, while chattering away to them so she would not raise their suspicions. She would wait. She silently prayed that there would be a diversion of some type.
Soon enough they were in the deep ocean. She wanted to bounce and play freely on the waves, but she could not with them keeping such close watch.
She laboured to smile and be perky, while every second her insides coiled and her eyes strained, scanning for an opportunity.
She didn’t get it.
They had invited her, welcomed her warmly, cared for her, then turned to cruel masters of sea-chains.
Her quest to find her place of belonging again had failed. Why?
Finally they all took a deep dive. She swirled her tail and flapped her fins into turbo motion. She was so fast that before the thought here is my chance could fully form, she was forty metres away.
She knew that they would try to do that horrible thing to her again, so she kept swimming, swimming, swimming, tearing through the water as if she was weightlessly gliding over it.
She was away. Finally.
She was free! She was free!
The sun was shining, and she was so excited to feel the joy of it warming her nose and kissing her skin. And oh, the bubbles! They would soon swim around her, tickling her, delighting her, and reminding her that she was free!
After a few minutes of elation, she calmed and tried to play in the water.
But nothing.
None of it made her spirit sing.
She was back to her beloved sea but she was no longer happy, now that the elation was gone.
She felt listless for a day or two, but then something shifted… bitterness like jagged shards of glass rose up in her and instead of playing on the water, she was slamming into it. Angry. So. Very. Angry.
How many times had she tried and this was what she ended up with? Loneliness, solitude, ostracized and used. She felt used. Her spirit felt bruised beyond repair.
Each happy “home” had ended up leaving deep scars.
The worst of them was that maybe she did not belong anywhere.
Bloodied Water
Ugh. A shark.
She hated sharks. Why were sharks even allowed in the ocean’s ecosystem?
Usually they distanced themselves, and she distanced herself.
But this one… was curious.
She looked at his face. He was looking directly at her.
She shuddered.
She did not want to appear cowardly, so she swam almost parallel while angling away from him.
He swam closer.
He caught up.
She was weary. Why was he so close? What did he want? He did not seem to be attacking her.
She thought of the eels. Shuddered again.
Now he was… swimming with her. Silently.
She used her side vision to try to gauge him.
What… just what… did he want?
They swam on for hours.
And then he swam away.
The next day went the same way that most other days before it had gone. Nothing but anger at how she had failed one group then another. Anger that she could not be normal like other fish.
She flipped over and faced her belly to the sun. No joy. No warmth. The sun had changed on her and she had no idea why.
She let her thoughts drift and ripple like the endless sea.
She opened her eyes and beside her… was that damn shark again.
She blinked.
What the heck?
He did not look at her. Just swam beside her.
And did it again the next day.
By the end of the third day, she decided to ask him some questions.
He met her questions with more silence. How rude.
Who cares?
When he swam away as the sun set that day, she followed him.
That night she found herself in a little underwater cove with four other sharks. She was terrified of them.
What was she doing?
She was so angry with herself that she bellowed into the ocean void.
The sharks all shrank back. Her anger had scared them.
Scared THEM?
Two of them were covered in blood. Fresh kill.
One of them looked like he was drooling as he looked at her.
The fourth, her swimming companion, just stared at her.
Ugh. What was she doing there?
The first day she stayed silent. They spoke among themselves but not to her. She did not find it rude, but she felt displaced. She did not understand them. Only the angry tone that spewed out of them.
The second day, two of them returned blood-stained again. This did not feel right. But maybe she was judging them too soon. After all, even the whales ate hundreds of thousands of plankton at once. Maybe this was the same… but different.
The next day, the one that seemed to be in charge took off. She wondered where he always went. Why he was in charge.
She jumped into place behind him to follow him.
She saw a stingray in the distance as she looked up through the sunlight that pierced the depths. How beautiful. She had not thought to join them… maybe they could have been a possible “right” place for her.
She sighed.
Her shark “buddy” had sunk lower. He was circling, his eyes pointing upwards.
She watched in wonder, almost hypnotized by his cyclone-swim.
But the truth suddenly hit and unnerved her.
She wanted to throw up. She realized he was going after the stingray.
She wanted to intervene, but how?
She tried to get his attention, but his eyes were locked on his target.
With utter horror, she watched as the angered shark pounced at a speed she did not know was possible.
She was even more nauseated when he returned with blood lining his jaw and his endless teeth.
She heaved. She had not helped.
How did the sea allow this? Beauty starkly snatched and obliterated with nothing but bloodstains left to prove that the gracious creature had ever lived.
He snarled, then kept swimming.
No, this… this was not who she wanted to make a home with.
Ever.
She swam in the other direction.
The Remembered Return
Her anger was gone. Her everything was gone.
She felt empty, but not in a bad way.
She felt… almost peaceful.
She woke early with the rising sun and tipped her nose. The warmth was back!
She leapt up, and the warmth of the sun caressed her. Her smile fell back into place the way it used to.
Oh! The bubbles, as she danced in the waves, they shimmered and tickled and wrapped around her like joy returning.
She laughed and sang and played all day.
She was at peace.
She was joyfully, blissfully, and finally home.
Exactly where home had always been.
In her sea, with her joy, her peace, and the wisdom to appreciate what she had always had but had not recognized.
She had found her place.
Or rather, she had remembered it.
And this time, she wasn’t leaving.
Her smile still echoes over the ocean, where the waves call out to Elera, the wind whispers in agreement, and the sun beckons all who have forgotten their way home.
Easter Ellen
~ writing what won’t leave me alone until it is expressed
Easter Ellen writes poetry, prose, fables, reflections, devotional pieces, and three-degree-sideways observations on life. Her work moves through humour, beauty, bite, tenderness, story, and the truth she relentlessly seeks beneath ordinary moments.
She also helps women think clearly, choose intentionally, and move forward with self-trust through content, coaching packages that meet them where they are, and practical tools for building better habits and thinking processes.